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NaNoWriMo 2022
Dec. 1st, 2022 07:56 am NaNoWriMo ended yesterday. And I "won" for the 4th year in a row!
I still have complicated feelings about my projects. How they shouldn't "count" for whatever reason my brain invents. Most of my writing was in meta. Discussing headcanons, astrology, the writing process, etcetera.
All of this was brought up to my therapist. So much of my life and interests are wrapped up in fandom. I unloaded all of my complicated feelings. All of my obligations, versus my interests. My struggles with not validating my accomplishments, if they interfered with me achieving other goals. (I.e. dishwashing was on my to-do list but I did laundry instead, so now my whole day was wasted and I'm a failure!)
Allowing myself to count meta works towards my word count was meant to beneficial. To teach myself to appreciate all that I accomplish, rather than moping about what I don't. I didn't get much fic writing done, but I still got some done. And I still created so much! I spent all month focusing on my passions. Thinking about the characters I love, brushing up on my astrology, chatting about the writing process.
Changing the way one thinks is hard. I've done it before, years ago, and it was a very active, intentional process. But I remember how much happier I was back then. And even if my brain still struggles to accept what I'm telling it, it has made a difference. I feel better overall now that I'm choosing to celebrate my progress.
I have such an intense fear of failure. Which is extra bad when I see failure in everything that I do. I struggle so hard with letting go of things. But that's another lesson I've been working on. I had 4 fests I signed up for all due between mid-November and mid-December. I've dropped all but 1 now. I feel guilty for dropping. And silly for signing up to begin with. But I gave them all a solid try. And I threw in the towel when I needed to, rather than driving myself batty trying to meet all of those obligations.
The truth is, I'm harder on myself than anyone else is. No one was rude or upset that I had to bow out. And if the people I "let down" weren't upset...why am I still beating myself up?
Ah well. Good thing I'm in therapy, yeah?
The point is: I kicked butt in November!! I finished the month with 74,484 words. That's more words than I started with! I did make progress on a few fics. And I created a whole heck of a lot of meta content for other people to enjoy. I did it through the anniversary of a friend breakup, the death of my ex stepmom, decluttering/rearranging my apartment, Thanksgiving, medication changes, and work stress. I'm choosing to be proud of myself.
And now...I really do need to go work on that last fest fic.
I still have complicated feelings about my projects. How they shouldn't "count" for whatever reason my brain invents. Most of my writing was in meta. Discussing headcanons, astrology, the writing process, etcetera.
All of this was brought up to my therapist. So much of my life and interests are wrapped up in fandom. I unloaded all of my complicated feelings. All of my obligations, versus my interests. My struggles with not validating my accomplishments, if they interfered with me achieving other goals. (I.e. dishwashing was on my to-do list but I did laundry instead, so now my whole day was wasted and I'm a failure!)
Allowing myself to count meta works towards my word count was meant to beneficial. To teach myself to appreciate all that I accomplish, rather than moping about what I don't. I didn't get much fic writing done, but I still got some done. And I still created so much! I spent all month focusing on my passions. Thinking about the characters I love, brushing up on my astrology, chatting about the writing process.
Changing the way one thinks is hard. I've done it before, years ago, and it was a very active, intentional process. But I remember how much happier I was back then. And even if my brain still struggles to accept what I'm telling it, it has made a difference. I feel better overall now that I'm choosing to celebrate my progress.
I have such an intense fear of failure. Which is extra bad when I see failure in everything that I do. I struggle so hard with letting go of things. But that's another lesson I've been working on. I had 4 fests I signed up for all due between mid-November and mid-December. I've dropped all but 1 now. I feel guilty for dropping. And silly for signing up to begin with. But I gave them all a solid try. And I threw in the towel when I needed to, rather than driving myself batty trying to meet all of those obligations.
The truth is, I'm harder on myself than anyone else is. No one was rude or upset that I had to bow out. And if the people I "let down" weren't upset...why am I still beating myself up?
Ah well. Good thing I'm in therapy, yeah?
The point is: I kicked butt in November!! I finished the month with 74,484 words. That's more words than I started with! I did make progress on a few fics. And I created a whole heck of a lot of meta content for other people to enjoy. I did it through the anniversary of a friend breakup, the death of my ex stepmom, decluttering/rearranging my apartment, Thanksgiving, medication changes, and work stress. I'm choosing to be proud of myself.
And now...I really do need to go work on that last fest fic.
